Avoiding the LCD of broadcasting

I don’t know about you, but I live in fear of having to watch an interview by Larry King. Recently, a bidding war ensued between ABC and NBC (or was it CBS? Whatever.) for the opportunity of interviewing Paris Hilton after she was released from her incarceration. Now, I don’t know about you, but I would make it a point to take Thorazine before even entering the same room so that I wouldn’t just start screaming after the response to any of the questions. Barbara Walters stated that she would not have tried to get this so-called scoop, because she felt it was beneath her. I’m with you, Barbara. Anyway, there was a very good review of the interview between King and Twit in the New York Times. She claimed that she got religion in her three weeks in the slammer and read the bible every day. When Mr. King asked her what her favorite passage was, she replied, “Uhhhh…”

So, my advice of the day is:

1) If interviewed by Larry King, bear in mind that there is a huge audience of dim witted people who watch this crap. Try to act intelligently.

2) If you make claims like reading the Bible daily, or knowing how to field strip a cigarette, or knowing how to arm a car bomb while creating a porno film for the internet, be ready to prove it. Otherwise, you will look like an idiot, and that’s why we have the White House that we have now.

3) Finally, if you have nothing clever to say, get the hell out. I don’t care what you look like. Remember, looks fade, but stupid is forever.

Oh, and kudos to the NYT for having the ingenuity and social responsibility to have a review of the interview.  It saved me a lot of boredom and allowed me to get the gist of the interview without having to lower my standards by actually watching CNN.  And I got my little sick kink on, knowing what the highlights were without being forced to vomit.

Don't let this happen to you.

I just read a story about a woman that met a man at a wedding reception. Well, that's always fun and sometimes fortuitous. So drinking ensued and they both went back to his place. In the morning, he had to go to work but told her to take her time and just lock up once she was ready to leave.

Okay, here's the bummer part. She went to the bathroom and took a generous dump, and then could not flush the toilet. She ended up picking it up and putting it in a large ziploc bag, and then placing it on the kitchen counter. Unfortunately, once she had all her stuff, she left and locked the door, forgetting about the bag o' poop. She freaked out and then changed her cell phone number.

Now. I don't know how true this is. But if you are in a similar situation, you can do one of two things. You can get a large pot from the kitchen, or a bucket if one can be found, fill it with water, and pour into the toilet. This should make it flush.

Alternatively, you can take the lid off of the tank and see if there is a chain without a coupling (usually to what looks like a small plunger). And then you can try to flush.

Now wasn't that easy? And you don't have to leave a sack of shit on the counter, which might be construed as commentary on the previous night's fun.

zeitgeistbabe